1 00:00:06,931 --> 00:00:08,586 - I love days where I don't have to work 2 00:00:08,689 --> 00:00:11,275 and I can just run errands and look like trash. 3 00:00:11,379 --> 00:00:12,758 - I know. I'm not even wearing underwear. 4 00:00:12,862 --> 00:00:14,241 - Yeah, me neither. 5 00:00:14,344 --> 00:00:15,655 I mean, I'm not seeing anybody I know, 6 00:00:15,758 --> 00:00:16,827 so why would I? 7 00:00:16,931 --> 00:00:18,103 - I actually probably should. 8 00:00:18,206 --> 00:00:20,896 My dick always pops out of these pants. 9 00:00:21,000 --> 00:00:22,965 Ugh, I hate walking around with toilet paper. 10 00:00:23,068 --> 00:00:24,551 It's so embarrassing. 11 00:00:24,655 --> 00:00:26,103 - Why? Everyone knows you have a butthole 12 00:00:26,206 --> 00:00:27,655 and poop comes out of it. 13 00:00:27,758 --> 00:00:29,517 - Hey, you're okay. 14 00:00:29,620 --> 00:00:30,758 - See? She agrees. 15 00:00:30,862 --> 00:00:33,241 - Hey, gay. 16 00:00:33,344 --> 00:00:35,103 - Huh, not sure that's about your butthole. 17 00:00:35,206 --> 00:00:36,655 But, I mean, I guess kinda? 18 00:00:36,758 --> 00:00:38,000 - Wait, what is going on? 19 00:00:38,103 --> 00:00:39,931 - Hey, you're the guy from that video. 20 00:00:40,034 --> 00:00:42,551 - Oh, no, sorry. I don't think so. 21 00:00:42,655 --> 00:00:43,689 - Yeah, the little kid's music video 22 00:00:43,793 --> 00:00:44,655 about his gay brother. 23 00:00:44,758 --> 00:00:46,241 - What? 24 00:00:46,344 --> 00:00:49,206 - Oh, um, Care, look at this. 25 00:00:49,310 --> 00:00:51,793 I think I found what they're talking about. 26 00:00:51,896 --> 00:00:57,068 - ♪ Oh, oh, oh 27 00:00:57,172 --> 00:00:59,103 ♪ Hey, oh 28 00:00:59,206 --> 00:01:01,379 - ♪ My brother's brave 29 00:01:01,482 --> 00:01:03,896 ♪ My brother's wise 30 00:01:04,000 --> 00:01:06,206 ♪ My brother doesn't like girls ♪ 31 00:01:06,310 --> 00:01:08,000 ♪ He likes guys 32 00:01:08,103 --> 00:01:10,000 ♪ He kisses men 33 00:01:10,103 --> 00:01:11,517 ♪ That turns him on 34 00:01:11,620 --> 00:01:13,586 ♪ And if you think that's gross ♪ 35 00:01:13,689 --> 00:01:15,793 ♪ Well, then I think you're wrong ♪ 36 00:01:15,896 --> 00:01:20,137 ♪ 'Cause I think it's cool 37 00:01:20,241 --> 00:01:22,137 ♪ My brother's gay 38 00:01:22,241 --> 00:01:23,827 ♪ And that's okay 39 00:01:23,931 --> 00:01:26,034 ♪ The haters may hate 40 00:01:26,137 --> 00:01:28,241 ♪ But I love how he's gay 41 00:01:28,344 --> 00:01:32,896 ♪ He is so gay in every way ♪ 42 00:01:33,000 --> 00:01:35,965 ♪ My brother Cary is gay 43 00:01:36,068 --> 00:01:37,000 ♪ And that's okay 44 00:01:37,103 --> 00:01:42,655 - ♪ Oh, oh, oh 45 00:01:42,758 --> 00:01:44,137 ♪ Hey, oh 46 00:01:44,241 --> 00:01:45,827 - ♪ And that's okay 47 00:01:45,931 --> 00:01:48,620 - What the f-- 48 00:01:48,724 --> 00:01:50,586 [funky music] 49 00:01:50,689 --> 00:01:51,793 Where is Streeter? 50 00:01:51,896 --> 00:01:53,758 Why is no one picking up? Ugh. 51 00:01:53,862 --> 00:01:55,068 - Okay, can we just take one sec 52 00:01:55,172 --> 00:01:57,034 and laugh about how funny this is? 53 00:01:57,137 --> 00:01:59,896 - I can't be in a teen's music video. 54 00:02:00,000 --> 00:02:01,379 Do I just show up at the label 55 00:02:01,482 --> 00:02:03,655 and tell that Shuli woman to take it down? 56 00:02:03,758 --> 00:02:05,379 Yeah, yeah, that's what I got to do. 57 00:02:05,482 --> 00:02:06,793 - Okay, or you leave it up 58 00:02:06,896 --> 00:02:08,517 and you get, like, a trillion new followers. 59 00:02:08,620 --> 00:02:10,379 - Ew, I don't want those followers. 60 00:02:10,482 --> 00:02:13,758 They're all like @ChaseDreamsFeet. 61 00:02:13,862 --> 00:02:15,275 - Wow, he is getting famous. 62 00:02:15,379 --> 00:02:17,275 - What if casting people see this? 63 00:02:17,379 --> 00:02:19,034 Oh, my God, what if Grandma sees this? 64 00:02:19,137 --> 00:02:21,034 - Wait, does Grandma not know that you're gay? 65 00:02:21,137 --> 00:02:22,655 - No, she's 85. 66 00:02:22,758 --> 00:02:24,517 I thought I'd just let her die in peace 67 00:02:24,620 --> 00:02:26,344 without ever truly knowing who I am. 68 00:02:26,448 --> 00:02:30,206 - Wow, cool brain, Care. 69 00:02:30,310 --> 00:02:32,172 - Shuli, the video's at 5 mil. 70 00:02:32,275 --> 00:02:34,724 - Great, can we get him on the OUT100 yet? 71 00:02:34,827 --> 00:02:36,896 - No, they said it's still just for gay people. 72 00:02:37,000 --> 00:02:38,068 - God, that is so unfair. 73 00:02:38,172 --> 00:02:39,241 [knocks on door] 74 00:02:39,344 --> 00:02:40,241 - Hey, uh, Shuli? 75 00:02:40,344 --> 00:02:41,758 [overlapping chatter] 76 00:02:41,862 --> 00:02:43,103 - Gay brother. 77 00:02:43,206 --> 00:02:44,827 - You know, my brother's gay. 78 00:02:44,931 --> 00:02:45,827 - I have a gay brother. 79 00:02:45,931 --> 00:02:46,793 - My brother's gay too. 80 00:02:46,896 --> 00:02:48,103 - Yes, okay, 81 00:02:48,206 --> 00:02:49,379 that's sort of why I'm here. 82 00:02:49,482 --> 00:02:51,137 Can I talk to you in private? 83 00:02:51,241 --> 00:02:52,827 - One sec. Brooke, where have you been? 84 00:02:52,931 --> 00:02:54,344 Chase needs his assistant. 85 00:02:54,448 --> 00:02:56,448 - Oh, um, I just sort of figured 86 00:02:56,551 --> 00:02:58,310 when you started a new job you had a few days 87 00:02:58,413 --> 00:03:00,413 to, you know, get your life together. 88 00:03:00,517 --> 00:03:02,068 - Why would you think that? 89 00:03:02,172 --> 00:03:03,931 - Sorry, Shuli, can we talk, like, now? 90 00:03:04,034 --> 00:03:06,758 It's very important, and I can't get ahold of Streeter. 91 00:03:06,862 --> 00:03:07,896 - No one's told you. 92 00:03:08,000 --> 00:03:09,655 There was an emergency. 93 00:03:09,758 --> 00:03:12,275 Streeter and your mom had to take Chase to a specialist. 94 00:03:12,379 --> 00:03:14,068 - Oh, my God, what happened? 95 00:03:14,172 --> 00:03:15,344 - [sighs] 96 00:03:15,448 --> 00:03:17,275 You may want to sit for this. 97 00:03:20,793 --> 00:03:22,551 Chase has a... 98 00:03:23,896 --> 00:03:24,827 a pimple. 99 00:03:24,931 --> 00:03:27,793 - Ugh. 100 00:03:27,896 --> 00:03:29,206 - A pimple? 101 00:03:29,310 --> 00:03:30,551 - Look, if you need to barf, go ahead. 102 00:03:30,655 --> 00:03:31,620 I did. 103 00:03:31,724 --> 00:03:33,137 But we're gonna get through this 104 00:03:33,241 --> 00:03:34,275 as--as a team. 105 00:03:34,379 --> 00:03:35,965 You know, we just may have 106 00:03:36,068 --> 00:03:38,241 to transition him to sexy sooner than we thought. 107 00:03:38,344 --> 00:03:39,689 - Okay, I'm gonna cut to the chase. 108 00:03:39,793 --> 00:03:41,068 - Trademark. 109 00:03:41,172 --> 00:03:42,482 - I want that video down, all right? 110 00:03:42,586 --> 00:03:45,413 It's humiliating, and I feel exposed. 111 00:03:45,517 --> 00:03:46,482 - Your dick's out. - Oh. 112 00:03:46,586 --> 00:03:48,551 - Cary, what's the problem? 113 00:03:48,655 --> 00:03:50,413 Everyone here loves the video. 114 00:03:50,517 --> 00:03:52,862 I mean, its message is so strategic, 115 00:03:52,965 --> 00:03:54,586 important. I said important. 116 00:03:54,689 --> 00:03:56,344 - And the gay community is eating it up. 117 00:03:56,448 --> 00:03:57,793 Ellen just tweeted about it. 118 00:03:57,896 --> 00:03:58,793 [all gasp] 119 00:03:58,896 --> 00:04:00,241 - We got Ellen 120 00:04:00,344 --> 00:04:01,620 or whatever little twink runs her account. 121 00:04:01,724 --> 00:04:03,172 - Okay, well, I want it down. 122 00:04:03,275 --> 00:04:04,586 I'm an actor... [cell phone buzzes] 123 00:04:04,689 --> 00:04:07,172 And this could be terrible for my career. 124 00:04:07,275 --> 00:04:08,793 Sorry. 125 00:04:11,413 --> 00:04:13,241 It's an agent asking if I have representation. 126 00:04:13,344 --> 00:04:15,172 I guess she saw the video. 127 00:04:15,275 --> 00:04:16,931 Shit, this is one of the biggest agencies. 128 00:04:17,034 --> 00:04:18,827 - Care, that's amazing. 129 00:04:18,931 --> 00:04:21,034 - Yeah, I could maybe leave Skip finally. 130 00:04:21,137 --> 00:04:23,275 - Yeah. 131 00:04:23,379 --> 00:04:26,206 So like I was saying, I love the video. 132 00:04:26,310 --> 00:04:27,344 It's awesome. 133 00:04:27,448 --> 00:04:28,551 I want you guys to keep it up. 134 00:04:28,655 --> 00:04:32,586 I love you cuties. Thank you. 135 00:04:32,689 --> 00:04:35,000 - All right, so I guess I better get to work. 136 00:04:35,103 --> 00:04:37,000 All I'm gonna need from you guys is Beyoncé's cell. 137 00:04:37,103 --> 00:04:39,379 Gotta set up a collab on, you know, like, a song, 138 00:04:39,482 --> 00:04:40,793 ooh, or a jean. 139 00:04:40,896 --> 00:04:42,137 - That's not your job. 140 00:04:42,241 --> 00:04:44,793 We have you in a very small office 141 00:04:44,896 --> 00:04:46,620 responding to fan mail. 142 00:04:46,724 --> 00:04:48,448 - Shouldn't I be doing something more creative? 143 00:04:48,551 --> 00:04:50,517 I mean, come on, with my background? 144 00:04:50,620 --> 00:04:52,413 - What is your background? 145 00:04:52,517 --> 00:04:54,655 - I went to the School of American Ballet 11 years ago. 146 00:04:54,758 --> 00:04:56,172 - Well, then no. 147 00:04:56,275 --> 00:04:58,310 Listen, Brooke, your brother's fans love him 148 00:04:58,413 --> 00:04:59,793 because he's real. 149 00:04:59,896 --> 00:05:01,862 But now he's getting too busy to be real, 150 00:05:01,965 --> 00:05:04,551 so we need you to be real for him. 151 00:05:04,655 --> 00:05:06,344 - Shuli, we have a problem. 152 00:05:06,448 --> 00:05:07,655 The gays are turning on the vid. 153 00:05:07,758 --> 00:05:11,241 They're saying it's, quote... "so five years ago." 154 00:05:11,344 --> 00:05:12,620 [all groan] 155 00:05:12,724 --> 00:05:15,275 - That's the worst thing you can be. 156 00:05:15,379 --> 00:05:16,793 - "Dear ChaseDreams, 157 00:05:16,896 --> 00:05:18,000 "I've been in the hospital for seven weeks 158 00:05:18,103 --> 00:05:19,586 "and it's not looking good. 159 00:05:19,689 --> 00:05:21,206 "Could you send me a T-shirt? 160 00:05:21,310 --> 00:05:23,000 "You're my favorite singer ever. 161 00:05:23,103 --> 00:05:24,689 Love, Rachel Klein." 162 00:05:24,793 --> 00:05:25,655 - Poor girl. 163 00:05:25,758 --> 00:05:28,482 Such terrible taste in music. 164 00:05:28,586 --> 00:05:29,931 - Hey, how's it going in here? 165 00:05:30,034 --> 00:05:32,413 - Oh, some of these letters are really intense. 166 00:05:32,517 --> 00:05:34,827 A grown woman sent Chase underwear. 167 00:05:34,931 --> 00:05:37,275 - That happens a lot. You can just toss 'em. 168 00:05:37,379 --> 00:05:39,000 - Oh, I mean, can't waste brand-new underwear. 169 00:05:39,103 --> 00:05:40,068 Am I right, girl? 170 00:05:40,172 --> 00:05:41,379 - Those are not brand-new. 171 00:05:41,482 --> 00:05:43,034 Women wear them and send them dirty. 172 00:05:43,137 --> 00:05:44,068 Don't even touch them. 173 00:05:44,172 --> 00:05:46,034 - Of course not. 174 00:05:46,137 --> 00:05:47,000 - And don't eat any of the food. 175 00:05:47,103 --> 00:05:48,551 - Uh-huh. 176 00:05:48,655 --> 00:05:50,241 - Anyway, Shuli wanted me 177 00:05:50,344 --> 00:05:52,000 to introduce you to Chase's lawyers. 178 00:05:52,103 --> 00:05:53,724 There's, like, 100 of them, and they're all, like, 25. 179 00:05:53,827 --> 00:05:55,827 - Yeah, I'll go meet some lawyers. 180 00:05:55,931 --> 00:05:57,931 - Oh, I'm sorry, I meant there's 25 of them, 181 00:05:58,034 --> 00:05:59,068 and they're all, like, 100. 182 00:05:59,172 --> 00:06:02,034 - Mm, um, you know, I'm actually-- 183 00:06:02,137 --> 00:06:06,103 I'm in the middle of some very important fan outreach. 184 00:06:06,206 --> 00:06:07,448 Yeah, there's a sick girl. 185 00:06:07,551 --> 00:06:09,000 She's dying, actually. 186 00:06:09,103 --> 00:06:14,034 So I need to personally bring her a Chase T-shirt. 187 00:06:14,137 --> 00:06:16,482 So off I go. 188 00:06:16,586 --> 00:06:20,379 Ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, ew. 189 00:06:20,482 --> 00:06:22,413 [phone ringing] 190 00:06:22,517 --> 00:06:26,655 - I have a meeting with an agent. 191 00:06:26,758 --> 00:06:28,586 - We all do. This is an agency. 192 00:06:28,689 --> 00:06:30,482 - Cary? - Yes. 193 00:06:30,586 --> 00:06:32,241 - [gasps] Oh, Pitzi Pyle. 194 00:06:32,344 --> 00:06:33,448 Thank you so much for coming in. 195 00:06:33,551 --> 00:06:34,724 I saw you in the vid. 196 00:06:34,827 --> 00:06:37,000 I am gagging for you, faggot. 197 00:06:37,103 --> 00:06:39,000 Come on back. 198 00:06:44,724 --> 00:06:46,137 - Sorry, I was--uh, I was gonna change, 199 00:06:46,241 --> 00:06:47,275 but you told me to come down here ASAPF, 200 00:06:47,379 --> 00:06:48,965 I thought the F was a typo, 201 00:06:49,068 --> 00:06:51,413 but now I think I know what it stands for. 202 00:06:51,517 --> 00:06:53,758 - Yas, faggot. [laughs] 203 00:06:53,862 --> 00:06:57,275 Wait, should we do this meeting here or while we're shopping? 204 00:06:57,379 --> 00:06:59,896 - I guess here? 205 00:07:00,000 --> 00:07:02,172 - Aw, Pitzi sad. 206 00:07:02,275 --> 00:07:04,137 - Oh, oh, no. 207 00:07:04,241 --> 00:07:05,896 I'm sorry, we can-- 208 00:07:06,000 --> 00:07:07,413 - Wait, you believed me. 209 00:07:07,517 --> 00:07:09,379 Oh, my God. You're so cute. 210 00:07:09,482 --> 00:07:11,103 You're, like, the sweetest person I've ever met. 211 00:07:11,206 --> 00:07:12,655 Like, will you be my best friend? 212 00:07:12,758 --> 00:07:14,310 Like, legally, we're bound to be best friends now. 213 00:07:14,413 --> 00:07:16,931 And that's really good for you because I'm the top agent here. 214 00:07:17,034 --> 00:07:18,379 - Oh, you are? - Yeah. 215 00:07:18,482 --> 00:07:20,000 I have the most clients, okay, 10,000. 216 00:07:20,103 --> 00:07:21,344 [mouths words] 217 00:07:21,448 --> 00:07:23,000 - Oh, how is that manageable? 218 00:07:23,103 --> 00:07:24,275 - But enough about me. 219 00:07:24,379 --> 00:07:25,620 Okay, dish. I want to hear everything. 220 00:07:25,724 --> 00:07:26,724 Where are you from? What's your deal? 221 00:07:26,827 --> 00:07:28,068 What makes you tic? Everything. 222 00:07:28,172 --> 00:07:30,068 - Well, I'm from Ohio, 223 00:07:30,172 --> 00:07:32,068 uh, like all the greats. 224 00:07:32,172 --> 00:07:34,896 - [screams and laughs] 225 00:07:35,000 --> 00:07:36,517 Oh, my God, wait. 226 00:07:36,620 --> 00:07:38,068 So you're, like, the funniest person that ever lived. 227 00:07:38,172 --> 00:07:39,379 Okay, I'm obsessed with you. 228 00:07:39,482 --> 00:07:40,896 Josh, get in here! You have to hear this. 229 00:07:41,000 --> 00:07:42,241 He's gonna love this. 230 00:07:42,344 --> 00:07:44,310 Okay, Cary, tell Josh where you're from. 231 00:07:44,413 --> 00:07:46,586 - Ohio. 232 00:07:46,689 --> 00:07:48,275 - But do the other part. 233 00:07:48,379 --> 00:07:50,862 - It's--it's where all the greats are from. 234 00:07:50,965 --> 00:07:53,862 - [laughs boisterously] 235 00:07:53,965 --> 00:07:55,655 - [mouths words] - Oh, God. Oh, my God. 236 00:07:55,758 --> 00:07:57,448 [screams] 237 00:07:59,137 --> 00:08:01,620 - Hi, I'm looking for a patient named Rachel Kline. 238 00:08:01,724 --> 00:08:03,551 She's here and dying. 239 00:08:03,655 --> 00:08:05,689 - Okay, that's not how we talk out loud in a hospital. 240 00:08:05,793 --> 00:08:08,000 Are you family or celebrity? 241 00:08:08,103 --> 00:08:10,724 - Oh, um, celebrity? 242 00:08:10,827 --> 00:08:13,206 - Okay, we're actually already checking on that name for P!nk, 243 00:08:13,310 --> 00:08:16,344 so you can go ahead and have a seat next to her assistant. 244 00:08:16,448 --> 00:08:17,965 - Which one is her-- 245 00:08:21,862 --> 00:08:23,068 I found her. 246 00:08:27,862 --> 00:08:30,275 - Wow, you look exactly like P!nk. 247 00:08:30,379 --> 00:08:32,448 - It's like dogs and their owners. 248 00:08:32,551 --> 00:08:34,379 This was me when I first started. 249 00:08:34,482 --> 00:08:35,551 - Whoa, when is that? 250 00:08:35,655 --> 00:08:36,896 - Four weeks ago. 251 00:08:37,000 --> 00:08:38,586 You don't look like anyone famous. 252 00:08:38,689 --> 00:08:39,896 Did you just start? 253 00:08:40,000 --> 00:08:41,758 - Oh, today's my first day, actually. 254 00:08:41,862 --> 00:08:43,724 - Well, let me give you some advice. 255 00:08:43,827 --> 00:08:46,310 Never let your boss get into aerial gymnastics. 256 00:08:46,413 --> 00:08:47,655 - Oh, don't worry. 257 00:08:47,758 --> 00:08:48,827 I'm not gonna be an assistant for long. 258 00:08:48,931 --> 00:08:50,413 It's not like a career or anything. 259 00:08:50,517 --> 00:08:52,379 - Your loss. 260 00:08:52,482 --> 00:08:55,103 P!nk's first assistant is now the CEO of her apparel company. 261 00:08:55,206 --> 00:08:56,931 - Whoa, really? 262 00:08:57,034 --> 00:08:59,068 - I mean, it's just leotards for aerial gymnastics, 263 00:08:59,172 --> 00:09:01,379 but she's rich. 264 00:09:01,482 --> 00:09:03,137 - Sorry, ladies, there's no patient here 265 00:09:03,241 --> 00:09:05,206 by the name of Rachel Kline. 266 00:09:05,310 --> 00:09:06,862 - What? 267 00:09:06,965 --> 00:09:09,517 - Oh, I want to talk career with you. 268 00:09:09,620 --> 00:09:12,517 Okay, do you know who Meryl Streep is? 269 00:09:12,620 --> 00:09:13,724 - Yes. - I don't. I don't. 270 00:09:13,827 --> 00:09:15,206 Because she's old, and old is bad. 271 00:09:15,310 --> 00:09:16,689 Okay, young is good. 272 00:09:16,793 --> 00:09:18,551 Do you know how many views your video has? 273 00:09:18,655 --> 00:09:20,689 15 million! 274 00:09:20,793 --> 00:09:21,827 - It does? - Yeah. 275 00:09:21,931 --> 00:09:23,344 And that means I can make you 276 00:09:23,448 --> 00:09:26,275 the most famous person in the world... 277 00:09:26,379 --> 00:09:27,827 For the next 14 hours. 278 00:09:29,137 --> 00:09:30,793 - Well, you know, uh, I think I'm looking for 279 00:09:30,896 --> 00:09:32,724 a little bit more longevity than that. 280 00:09:32,827 --> 00:09:35,862 I guess I just want, like, a-- you know, maybe a small part 281 00:09:35,965 --> 00:09:38,896 in a miniseries, or, you know, a role in a director's... 282 00:09:39,000 --> 00:09:42,379 - [snoring] 283 00:09:42,482 --> 00:09:43,551 - Hello? 284 00:09:43,655 --> 00:09:47,448 - [snoring] 285 00:09:47,551 --> 00:09:49,241 - Hey, Shuli, it's Cary. 286 00:09:49,344 --> 00:09:50,793 Listen, I changed my mind. 287 00:09:50,896 --> 00:09:52,689 I'm actually gonna need that video to come down. 288 00:09:52,793 --> 00:09:54,689 - No can do, Care. 289 00:09:54,793 --> 00:09:57,758 Tomi Lahren just called it an affront to family values. 290 00:09:57,862 --> 00:09:59,551 The gays are back on board. 291 00:09:59,655 --> 00:10:01,241 [all cheering] 292 00:10:01,344 --> 00:10:02,586 - [sighs] 293 00:10:02,689 --> 00:10:03,862 - Wait, I'm sorry. 294 00:10:03,965 --> 00:10:05,344 Why isn't there a Rachel Kline here? 295 00:10:05,448 --> 00:10:07,068 - This happens all the time. 296 00:10:07,172 --> 00:10:10,172 It's a dude, some middle-aged perv who wants attention. 297 00:10:10,275 --> 00:10:13,000 - Ew, but then why would he pretend to be in a hospital? 298 00:10:13,103 --> 00:10:14,655 - They don't think anyone will actually show. 299 00:10:14,758 --> 00:10:16,000 They just hope you feel bad enough 300 00:10:16,103 --> 00:10:17,931 to send a bunch of free crap to their house 301 00:10:18,034 --> 00:10:19,827 probably so they can jack off into it. 302 00:10:19,931 --> 00:10:20,689 - Ugh. 303 00:10:20,793 --> 00:10:23,413 - Check the return address. 304 00:10:23,517 --> 00:10:25,517 - It says New Jersey. 305 00:10:25,620 --> 00:10:27,931 - Exactly, where the pervs live. 306 00:10:28,034 --> 00:10:29,241 - Okay, but if this keeps happening, 307 00:10:29,344 --> 00:10:30,896 why do you keep showing up? 308 00:10:31,000 --> 00:10:32,793 - Because one time out of ten it really is a dying girl, 309 00:10:32,896 --> 00:10:35,241 and if you don't show up, it's bad optics. 310 00:10:35,344 --> 00:10:37,000 And P!nk doesn't do bad optics. 311 00:10:37,103 --> 00:10:40,689 She does near-constant aerial gymnastics. 312 00:10:40,793 --> 00:10:42,896 - Well, I'm gonna go to New Jersey 313 00:10:43,000 --> 00:10:45,931 and I'm gonna confront this sick perv. 314 00:10:46,034 --> 00:10:46,965 You want to come? 315 00:10:47,068 --> 00:10:48,379 - No, I have to find 316 00:10:48,482 --> 00:10:49,482 some other dying kid to take a photo with. 317 00:10:49,586 --> 00:10:51,862 - Oh. 318 00:10:51,965 --> 00:10:55,034 - ♪ Haters may hate but I love how he's gay ♪ 319 00:10:55,137 --> 00:10:57,103 - Hey, are you from that music video? 320 00:10:57,206 --> 00:10:58,482 - Oh, um, yes, 321 00:10:58,586 --> 00:10:59,758 but I'd love to do a miniseries one day, 322 00:10:59,862 --> 00:11:01,000 like a "Fargo" or something. 323 00:11:01,103 --> 00:11:02,689 - Oh, that's cool. 324 00:11:02,793 --> 00:11:06,689 Um, I just wanted to say that I came out to my mom today 325 00:11:06,793 --> 00:11:08,344 sort of because of that video. 326 00:11:08,448 --> 00:11:10,206 - Oh. - I was scared, 327 00:11:10,310 --> 00:11:13,482 but it actually wasn't as bad as I thought it was gonna be. 328 00:11:13,586 --> 00:11:17,620 So I guess this is weird, but, um, thanks? 329 00:11:18,758 --> 00:11:21,586 - That's--wow, that's-- that's nice. 330 00:11:21,689 --> 00:11:24,275 Can I, um--can I give you a hug or something? 331 00:11:24,379 --> 00:11:25,655 - Sure. 332 00:11:27,448 --> 00:11:28,793 Okay, see ya. 333 00:11:28,896 --> 00:11:30,103 - Bye. 334 00:11:30,206 --> 00:11:31,862 - And good luck with your miniseries. 335 00:11:31,965 --> 00:11:34,793 - Thanks. 336 00:11:36,620 --> 00:11:37,620 [cell phone buzzes] 337 00:11:37,724 --> 00:11:39,000 - Shuli. - Hey, Shuli, 338 00:11:39,103 --> 00:11:40,793 I guess you could leave the video up. 339 00:11:40,896 --> 00:11:42,689 Uh, I'm okay with it now. 340 00:11:42,793 --> 00:11:44,862 - Too bad, Care. It's coming down. 341 00:11:44,965 --> 00:11:48,241 The A.V. Club just said it's "no 'Moonlight.'" 342 00:11:48,344 --> 00:11:49,724 - Was it supposed to be? 343 00:11:49,827 --> 00:11:51,068 - It doesn't matter, Cary! 344 00:11:51,172 --> 00:11:53,586 They said it, and now we're fucked. 345 00:11:53,689 --> 00:11:55,586 [knocks on door] 346 00:11:55,689 --> 00:11:57,448 - [scoffs] 347 00:11:57,551 --> 00:11:58,827 - He--hello. 348 00:11:58,931 --> 00:12:00,551 - Just what I thought, a pervert. 349 00:12:00,655 --> 00:12:02,000 - Excuse me? 350 00:12:02,103 --> 00:12:03,931 - You think you are so smart, 351 00:12:04,034 --> 00:12:05,965 pretending to be a dying girl so what? 352 00:12:06,068 --> 00:12:09,172 A teen will send you a T-shirt and you can nut in it? 353 00:12:09,275 --> 00:12:11,655 Well, here's your little tee, perv. 354 00:12:11,758 --> 00:12:14,586 Nut away. 355 00:12:14,689 --> 00:12:17,344 Oh, yeah, you should cry. 356 00:12:17,448 --> 00:12:21,344 Oh, good, all your little pervert friends are crying too. 357 00:12:21,448 --> 00:12:24,620 And they're all in black. 358 00:12:24,724 --> 00:12:27,034 - [sobbing] 359 00:12:27,137 --> 00:12:30,068 So Rachel wasn't at the...because she... 360 00:12:30,172 --> 00:12:32,758 - [sobs] 361 00:12:32,862 --> 00:12:36,172 - I am so sorry 362 00:12:36,275 --> 00:12:37,655 for your loss. 363 00:12:39,827 --> 00:12:41,620 - Yo, what up, roomie? 364 00:12:41,724 --> 00:12:44,551 - Hey, you, um-- you smell good. 365 00:12:44,655 --> 00:12:46,517 - Got to, going out with Abby tonight. 366 00:12:46,620 --> 00:12:47,931 Don't want my junk to stink 367 00:12:48,034 --> 00:12:49,551 if she's gonna be down there, you know? 368 00:12:49,655 --> 00:12:52,137 - Totally. 369 00:13:01,758 --> 00:13:07,034 Your, uh--your dick looks good. 370 00:13:07,137 --> 00:13:09,620 - Thanks. 371 00:13:09,724 --> 00:13:11,344 So does yours. 372 00:13:11,448 --> 00:13:14,724 - What? Oh, stupid pants. 373 00:13:16,034 --> 00:13:17,931 - ♪ Ah, my young boys in the truth ♪ 374 00:13:18,034 --> 00:13:19,862 - ♪ True, true, true - ♪ Truth 375 00:13:19,965 --> 00:13:21,344 ♪ When you see a real one you better salute ♪ 376 00:13:26,551 --> 00:13:27,448 - ♪ Young boys in the truth - ♪ True, true, true 377 00:13:27,551 --> 00:13:29,310 - ♪ Truth 378 00:13:29,413 --> 00:13:31,103 ♪ When you see a real one, you better salute ♪ 379 00:13:31,206 --> 00:13:32,551 - ♪ Lute, lute, lute - ♪ Lute, lute 380 00:13:32,655 --> 00:13:33,896 ♪ Young boys in the truth 381 00:13:34,000 --> 00:13:35,206 - Wait, wait, wait, wait. Stop, stop. 382 00:13:35,310 --> 00:13:36,689 - What's up, dude? 383 00:13:36,793 --> 00:13:37,931 Am I doing it wrong? 384 00:13:38,034 --> 00:13:40,241 - No, no, no, no. That was-- 385 00:13:40,344 --> 00:13:41,344 That was great, um. 386 00:13:41,448 --> 00:13:42,931 I mean, it was a little dry. 387 00:13:43,034 --> 00:13:44,758 It was kind of like a turtle eating a carrot. 388 00:13:44,862 --> 00:13:47,758 But that's not, uh-- that's not the problem. 389 00:13:49,758 --> 00:13:51,310 I can't do this anymore. 390 00:13:51,413 --> 00:13:53,344 - Oh, okay. 391 00:13:53,448 --> 00:13:59,000 - 'Cause every time we do this, it's great or whatever, 392 00:13:59,103 --> 00:14:02,620 but I just feel like shit after. 393 00:14:02,724 --> 00:14:05,586 - Oh, no. You do? Why? 394 00:14:05,689 --> 00:14:09,724 - Because you don't actually like me. 395 00:14:09,827 --> 00:14:12,896 And that makes me feel pathetic, okay? 396 00:14:13,000 --> 00:14:14,413 And I'm not pathetic. 397 00:14:14,517 --> 00:14:16,206 I'm a gay icon. 398 00:14:16,310 --> 00:14:17,758 - Whoa, hey, that's cool. 399 00:14:17,862 --> 00:14:18,896 - Yeah. - Since when? 400 00:14:19,000 --> 00:14:21,206 - This morning. Yeah. 401 00:14:21,310 --> 00:14:24,827 And I don't know if you're secretly gay 402 00:14:24,931 --> 00:14:26,827 or if you're just straight and you like attention, 403 00:14:26,931 --> 00:14:29,862 but either way, it fucking sucks for me. 404 00:14:29,965 --> 00:14:32,241 This sucks for me, and "Survivor" sucks. 405 00:14:32,344 --> 00:14:33,827 "Survivor" sucks. 406 00:14:33,931 --> 00:14:35,620 I can't believe you watch the same seasons 407 00:14:35,724 --> 00:14:37,448 over and over and over. 408 00:14:37,551 --> 00:14:38,482 It's the same thing. 409 00:14:38,586 --> 00:14:40,206 - Well, not Micronesia. 410 00:14:40,310 --> 00:14:41,793 - Okay, yeah, that season did change the game, but-- 411 00:14:41,896 --> 00:14:45,137 - Listen, I--I'm sorry, Care. 412 00:14:45,241 --> 00:14:47,379 I-- 413 00:14:47,482 --> 00:14:49,000 I love you, man. 414 00:14:49,103 --> 00:14:50,413 - No, that's so annoying. 415 00:14:50,517 --> 00:14:51,517 No, you don't. 416 00:14:51,620 --> 00:14:53,379 You don't love me, 417 00:14:53,482 --> 00:14:57,310 and you know what's humiliating is, I weirdly love you, 418 00:14:57,413 --> 00:15:02,620 and that is so dumb because you never give me anything ever! 419 00:15:02,724 --> 00:15:04,137 Nothing! 420 00:15:04,241 --> 00:15:06,655 So from now on, we're just roommates. 421 00:15:06,758 --> 00:15:08,482 That's it, and when you watch TV, 422 00:15:08,586 --> 00:15:12,931 I need you to wear a shirt, preferably a turtleneck. 423 00:15:13,034 --> 00:15:15,310 - Okay, all right. - Thank you. 424 00:15:15,413 --> 00:15:18,206 Now if you'll excuse me, 425 00:15:18,310 --> 00:15:22,379 I have something I've been meaning to do for eight months. 426 00:15:24,517 --> 00:15:28,551 - ♪ My brother's gay and here to stay ♪ 427 00:15:28,655 --> 00:15:32,413 ♪ So, haters, you better stay out of his way ♪ 428 00:15:32,517 --> 00:15:36,689 ♪ And if you are listening, then I want to say ♪ 429 00:15:36,793 --> 00:15:39,758 ♪ Cary Dubek, you are gay 430 00:15:39,862 --> 00:15:41,586 ♪ And that's okay 431 00:15:41,689 --> 00:15:44,689 - I'm so sorry for your loss. 432 00:15:44,793 --> 00:15:46,896 [sighs] 433 00:15:47,000 --> 00:15:50,310 I'm so sorry I'm wearing Halloween boxer shorts. 434 00:15:50,413 --> 00:15:52,551 - Excuse me. 435 00:15:52,655 --> 00:15:55,448 How do you know the deceased? 436 00:15:55,551 --> 00:15:58,034 - Oh, she was a big fan of my little brother's, 437 00:15:58,137 --> 00:16:01,344 and I'm here on his behalf because he loved her. 438 00:16:01,448 --> 00:16:03,689 He respected her, 439 00:16:03,793 --> 00:16:06,896 and he... 440 00:16:07,000 --> 00:16:09,586 Wait, I'm sorry, who's this bitch? 441 00:16:09,689 --> 00:16:11,172 - The deceased. 442 00:16:11,275 --> 00:16:12,862 Grandma Elaine. 443 00:16:12,965 --> 00:16:15,827 - So she wrote the letter? 444 00:16:15,931 --> 00:16:18,655 Okay, I'm sorry. 445 00:16:18,758 --> 00:16:20,758 I don't mean to speak ill of the dead, 446 00:16:20,862 --> 00:16:23,379 but that woman was a sex pervert. 447 00:16:23,482 --> 00:16:24,517 [all gasp] 448 00:16:24,620 --> 00:16:25,896 Yeah, she pretended to be 449 00:16:26,000 --> 00:16:27,379 this little girl named Rachel Kline 450 00:16:27,482 --> 00:16:29,724 so that my brother would send her a T-shirt 451 00:16:29,827 --> 00:16:31,620 so she could, I don't know, 452 00:16:31,724 --> 00:16:32,758 rub it all over her old titties. 453 00:16:32,862 --> 00:16:35,103 - Oh. - Gross. 454 00:16:35,206 --> 00:16:37,379 - Wait, I'm Rachel Kline. 455 00:16:39,275 --> 00:16:40,482 - Sorry, what? 456 00:16:40,586 --> 00:16:41,896 - I wrote that letter to Chase 457 00:16:42,000 --> 00:16:44,206 'cause I was at the hospital with my grandma 458 00:16:44,310 --> 00:16:46,068 and I was sad, so I wanted a T-shirt. 459 00:16:51,275 --> 00:16:53,068 - [sighs] 460 00:16:53,172 --> 00:16:55,241 So today is my first day in the industry, 461 00:16:55,344 --> 00:16:58,551 and I would like to apologize for everything 462 00:16:58,655 --> 00:17:02,862 that I have said and done. 463 00:17:02,965 --> 00:17:05,172 Rachel, how do I make it up to you? 464 00:17:05,275 --> 00:17:09,655 Do you want Chase's autograph, my autograph? 465 00:17:09,758 --> 00:17:11,172 [chuckles] 466 00:17:11,275 --> 00:17:14,275 - Well, I have a school dance next week. 467 00:17:14,379 --> 00:17:17,896 Maybe Chase could be my date? 468 00:17:18,724 --> 00:17:20,068 - Shuli, great news. 469 00:17:20,172 --> 00:17:21,586 The gays are back on board. 470 00:17:21,689 --> 00:17:23,275 - What? How? 471 00:17:23,379 --> 00:17:25,206 - Countess Luann just posted an emotional response to it. 472 00:17:25,310 --> 00:17:26,724 - From the "Real Housewives"? 473 00:17:26,827 --> 00:17:28,103 Oh, my God. Do you know what this means? 474 00:17:28,206 --> 00:17:31,068 Our video is officially camp. 475 00:17:31,172 --> 00:17:34,689 [champagne pops] [cheering] 476 00:17:34,793 --> 00:17:36,724 Give me these, yes. 477 00:17:36,827 --> 00:17:39,758 - Sorry, just, uh, grabbing my, uh, toilet paper here. 478 00:17:39,862 --> 00:17:41,103 I forgot it. 479 00:17:41,206 --> 00:17:42,931 And I know this seems like a lot, 480 00:17:43,034 --> 00:17:44,758 but it lasts me, like, three months, so... 481 00:17:44,862 --> 00:17:45,931 - Relax, Cary. 482 00:17:46,034 --> 00:17:47,586 It's time to celebrate. 483 00:17:47,689 --> 00:17:49,206 You're camp. 484 00:17:49,310 --> 00:17:50,965 [cheering] 485 00:17:51,068 --> 00:17:52,965 - You're gonna live on forever in the gay community 486 00:17:53,068 --> 00:17:55,793 as a joke, something the gays laugh at but also love, 487 00:17:55,896 --> 00:17:57,172 like Britney. 488 00:17:57,275 --> 00:17:58,275 - Okay. 489 00:17:58,379 --> 00:17:59,965 - Cool, what are we celebrating? 490 00:18:00,068 --> 00:18:01,620 - Nothing, fun's over. [glass shatters] 491 00:18:01,724 --> 00:18:03,620 Okay, look, we have the gays, 492 00:18:03,724 --> 00:18:04,931 but now we need to swing back 493 00:18:05,034 --> 00:18:07,000 and get the regular people again. 494 00:18:07,103 --> 00:18:08,586 - So boring. - Ugh, lame. 495 00:18:08,689 --> 00:18:10,206 - So how do we get them? 496 00:18:10,310 --> 00:18:12,931 We gotta do something sweet, something wholesome. 497 00:18:13,034 --> 00:18:14,689 - Maybe Chase could perform at a cancer charity. 498 00:18:14,793 --> 00:18:16,172 - Yeah, that's perfect. 499 00:18:16,275 --> 00:18:18,172 Chase said that his dad died of cancer. 500 00:18:18,275 --> 00:18:19,862 - Oh, shit, that is what Mom told him. 501 00:18:19,965 --> 00:18:20,965 - Should we tell them that's not true? 502 00:18:21,068 --> 00:18:22,931 - Gay then cancer? 503 00:18:23,034 --> 00:18:26,034 We can't do two sad things back to back, come on. 504 00:18:26,137 --> 00:18:27,620 - Two sad things? 505 00:18:27,724 --> 00:18:29,103 - Come on, more ideas, people. 506 00:18:29,206 --> 00:18:30,965 Something that will appeal to middle America, 507 00:18:31,068 --> 00:18:34,482 you know, like football, families, fields, corn. 508 00:18:34,586 --> 00:18:37,517 - Oh, Chase could post a picture eating corn. 509 00:18:37,620 --> 00:18:40,206 - Not actual corn, Renee. 510 00:18:40,310 --> 00:18:41,689 You're fired. Get me a new Renee. 511 00:18:41,793 --> 00:18:43,965 - [huffs] 512 00:18:45,000 --> 00:18:46,827 - Uh, maybe he could go to a school dance 513 00:18:46,931 --> 00:18:50,137 with a sweet, suburban teen? 514 00:18:50,241 --> 00:18:52,344 - Wait a minute, wait a minute. 515 00:18:52,448 --> 00:18:55,586 If Chase goes to a dance with one small-town girl, 516 00:18:55,689 --> 00:18:59,000 he'll have all small-town girls wet for him. 517 00:18:59,103 --> 00:19:00,000 - Ew, that is not what I meant. 518 00:19:00,103 --> 00:19:01,206 - Brooke, you're a genius. 519 00:19:01,310 --> 00:19:02,827 Cary, you're a star. 520 00:19:02,931 --> 00:19:05,000 I love this family. Uh! 521 00:19:05,103 --> 00:19:07,896 - Shuli, um, I did want to say 522 00:19:08,000 --> 00:19:11,103 that, um, I'm glad you kept the video up. 523 00:19:11,206 --> 00:19:13,068 Um, it was weird at first, 524 00:19:13,172 --> 00:19:14,586 but it actually helped me 525 00:19:14,689 --> 00:19:15,965 realize some things about myself that I-- 526 00:19:16,068 --> 00:19:18,068 - [snoring] - Okay. 527 00:19:18,172 --> 00:19:22,310 [bass-heavy dance music] 528 00:19:22,413 --> 00:19:25,793 - I am so glad you decided to come here with me. 529 00:19:25,896 --> 00:19:27,689 I've been, like, 500 times. 530 00:19:27,793 --> 00:19:29,724 Everyone here loves me. 531 00:19:29,827 --> 00:19:32,379 - Everyone here hates her. 532 00:19:32,482 --> 00:19:34,137 - I'm gonna go get us more drinks. 533 00:19:34,241 --> 00:19:35,827 - Whoo! 534 00:19:35,931 --> 00:19:38,034 It's you! 535 00:19:39,000 --> 00:19:41,241 - Hey, Cary. 536 00:19:41,344 --> 00:19:43,689 - Oh, hey, good to see you. 537 00:19:43,793 --> 00:19:45,103 - Yeah, you too. 538 00:19:45,206 --> 00:19:46,896 I loved you in the video. 539 00:19:47,000 --> 00:19:48,241 - Oh, thanks. 540 00:19:48,344 --> 00:19:51,310 Um, it's been kind of a weird day. 541 00:19:51,413 --> 00:19:52,896 Uh, but good, you know. It's-- 542 00:19:53,000 --> 00:19:54,689 - I bet, I bet. 543 00:19:54,793 --> 00:19:55,931 - Yeah. [chuckles] 544 00:19:56,034 --> 00:19:58,137 - Um, would you maybe want 545 00:19:58,241 --> 00:20:00,655 to, uh, get food with me sometime? 546 00:20:00,758 --> 00:20:03,137 - Oh, y-- 547 00:20:03,241 --> 00:20:04,724 Yeah, yeah, no, I'd love that. 548 00:20:04,827 --> 00:20:06,068 - Cool. - Yeah. 549 00:20:06,172 --> 00:20:08,241 - Wait, why didn't you ask me out 550 00:20:08,344 --> 00:20:10,724 the whole time we were doing that play together? 551 00:20:10,827 --> 00:20:13,068 - Yeah, I didn't know you were gay. 552 00:20:13,172 --> 00:20:16,000 - Oh, oh, thanks. Um. 553 00:20:16,103 --> 00:20:17,896 - Oh, uh, thanks? 554 00:20:18,000 --> 00:20:19,965 - No, no, no, no. Not-- 555 00:20:20,068 --> 00:20:21,724 - Oh, I'm sorry. 556 00:20:21,827 --> 00:20:25,241 I just, uh-- never mind. 557 00:20:25,344 --> 00:20:26,689 But it's really good to see you. 558 00:20:26,793 --> 00:20:28,482 Bye. - Bye. 559 00:20:31,310 --> 00:20:32,931 - ♪ My brother's brave 560 00:20:33,034 --> 00:20:34,448 ♪ My brother's wise - Oh, my God! 561 00:20:34,551 --> 00:20:36,827 - ♪ My brother doesn't like... ♪ 562 00:20:36,931 --> 00:20:38,241 - It's under Billy Eichner. 563 00:20:38,344 --> 00:20:40,241 - Cary, Cary, get out here! 564 00:20:40,344 --> 00:20:43,172 They're playing your song! 565 00:20:43,275 --> 00:20:44,965 - ♪ My brother's gay and here to stay ♪ 566 00:20:45,068 --> 00:20:46,620 - [laughs] Wow. 567 00:20:46,724 --> 00:20:48,000 Whoo! 568 00:20:48,103 --> 00:20:49,551 - ♪ Yes, my brother's gay 569 00:20:49,655 --> 00:20:51,655 - Whoo! 570 00:20:51,758 --> 00:20:53,482 - I think I'm kind of fucked up. 571 00:20:53,586 --> 00:20:56,620 - Me too, whoo! 572 00:20:56,724 --> 00:20:59,068 I'm his assistant! 573 00:20:59,172 --> 00:21:02,620 - ♪ And that's okay 574 00:21:02,724 --> 00:21:04,034 I love you, Cary. 575 00:21:08,689 --> 00:21:12,448 - [laughs obnoxiously] 576 00:21:20,482 --> 00:21:22,034 Oh, my God. [coughs] 577 00:21:22,137 --> 00:21:24,172 I really needed this.